Sunday, May 1, 2011

Control is an Illusion

I am a planner. I like being in control and knowing how things will turn out. I usually know on Monday exactly what we will be doing the following weekend. Control is an illusion for any parent--I found this out the hard way two days after Shelby was born when we got the results of her MRI. A very influential person in my life reminded me that there is only one keeper when I was having a tough time dealing with this lack of control, and it has helped me a great deal. Coming to grips with the unknowns in Shelby's future is a constant struggle for me, the control freak. Sometimes I get caught up in worry about whether Shelby will ever be able to eat normal food, what school will be like for her, or what level of independence she will have as an adult. Praying, giving myself over to the reality that I am not really in control, that God can handle it much better than I can, and staying in the present with this delightful girl who amazes me every single day are the things that sustain me through those times of fear.