Thursday, April 15, 2010

pondering next year

Recently, I was accepted into graduate school and will be beginning coursework this summer towards a master's degree in school counseling. I have wanted to do this for some time now. I'm currently on maternity leave from my teaching job, and our health insurance is through this job. I've been tutoring part-time at a local elementary school since January, which has been great for me (I missed teaching) and has helped with finances. I finish work at 11, and can play and spend time with both of my sweet kidd-os and can arrange and be present for all of Shelby's therapy sessions and doctor appointments. It has been the perfect arrangement, but now that the end of the school year is nearing, I have all sorts of anxiety about what will happen in August.

I have childcare options lined up for the fall for both Shelby and Harding, in case I go back to my teaching position full-time (this is the most likely scenario). And this is where I start worrying. How in the world will I be able to work full-time and still be there for Shelby? Should I not go back to my full-time teaching job? If I don't go back to it, what will we do about health insurance (which Shelby absolutely HAS to have)? Do I go back to work part-time? Will there even be a part-time job available next year? If I go back part-time, will there be a full-time teaching job (or counseling position) available when I'm ready to work full-time again? (There is a major budget crunch going on in NC and there are many teachers looking for work). If I go back to work part-time, what in the world will we do about health insurance?

What is best for my career? What is best for our family's finances (short and long-term)? What the heck am I thinking, taking on graduate school? But if I put it on the back burner, will I ever get it done? What do I want to do? WHAT IS BEST FOR SHELBY? The answers to these questions vary. What is most important? All of this worrying and wondering is driving me crazy and keeping me from sleeping at night. When the dentist told me it looked like I'd been grinding my teeth, I was not at all surprised.

It actually is making me feel a little better to write all this out. I hope there is a solution or compromise that will benefit everyone. I'll be doing a great deal of praying and pondering and soul-searching about what that might be. Luckily, I have a couple months before any decisions are necessary.


  1. As another person who likes to write about her crises on the internet, I totally understand. It's really difficult not to know what will happen.

  2. Hey Tiffany - As I read this, I totally identified with how you are feeling. My questions are different yet similar...yet equally as agonizing. It has been my experience that "it all works in the end". Keep praying! I'll be praying for you.